Loved this, and the whole series. I wonder if you have any thoughts for those of us who don't live near extended family? We've just settled across the country from both sets of grandparents (and aren't traveling this year), don't know many people in our new community yet, and have two under 3—so I'm starting to worry that the whole holiday season will fall a bit flat.
Melody, we also have to celebrate mainly as a nuclear family. As you make friends in your new community over time, you can add new friend traditions/practices, of course, but for now, would it help to see it as an opportunity to discover what your little family particularly likes? Maybe there are a couple of things you can do that are very small and sweet to take the place of the bigger extended-family things you once did. You are the tradition-maker for your own kids, so the longterm traditions that you want to extend now are "on you," so-to-speak, but it's also an opportunity to do some things just for fun that you and your husband would like to do. Think about what you would enjoy, not just what the kids would enjoy. Keep expectations low, but free yourself to try some things.
For example, last year, on New Year's, we decided to have an appetizer dinner. We made and/or bought our favorite appetizers and had a big spread and it was easy and so festive (because it was different from our daily sit-down family dinners) and a huge hit. This is definitely a keeper for us and we ended up doing it again on Epiphany! But we might not have ever hit upon it had we had an "always" extended family thing that we did every year for New Year's. So maybe it's an acknowledgment of change that you can work with, in the way that Lane talks about extended family traditions needing to shift a little over time, too.
Later, as you meet people, you can start up friend traditions like a cookie swap or whatever, too. But for now, what about seeking out one or two people from your church or at your/your husband's workplace or the local college who may be totally stranded, with nobody to celebrate with? Your family can give them a sense of "home" on this holiday in which they are probably lonelier even than you are feeling. This doesn't mean you have to put on some magnificent spread or have a perfectly decorated home (with two under three, you have your limits!), but it really means so much to people who are alone to go to a family home and have some time with a family with children.
I will say a prayer that you have a joyful season!
When my kids were very little we celebrated the Catholic 12 days of Christmas. They can't really open a lot of presents at one time without losing interest, anyway, so we put the gifts under the tree with numbers for the day they were to be opened. The little kids loved that the season lasted so long. We also put in activities like movie tickets or ice skating so some days we opened a gift and some days we had an outing. If you aren't near family it can be tough; but I would say the most important two things to emphasize are 1)something out of the ordinary that isn't done at any other time of year and 2)repeating that same tradition year after year.
“and of course the ultimate time-suck where holiday efficiency dreams go to die: writing out and actually sending Christmas cards.” I laughed out loud at this and also groaned. Twenty years of doing cards, and I can’t seem to ever get them out early, except for the years we had no kids, or last year when I was expecting in early January (nesting really can be a motivator!). I’ve gradually embraced the twelve days of Christmas and Epiphany as seasons of thanks, so the cards usually go out then. And the recipients don’t seem to mind one bit.
So many gems here. This is just what I needed to read in this season. Thank you for your wise thoughts!
really love the idea of playing a Christmas concert together with one's family as a paraliturgy that points you both toward the Church calendar and pours into the community. What a beautiful thing to share.
Loved this, and the whole series. I wonder if you have any thoughts for those of us who don't live near extended family? We've just settled across the country from both sets of grandparents (and aren't traveling this year), don't know many people in our new community yet, and have two under 3—so I'm starting to worry that the whole holiday season will fall a bit flat.
Melody, we also have to celebrate mainly as a nuclear family. As you make friends in your new community over time, you can add new friend traditions/practices, of course, but for now, would it help to see it as an opportunity to discover what your little family particularly likes? Maybe there are a couple of things you can do that are very small and sweet to take the place of the bigger extended-family things you once did. You are the tradition-maker for your own kids, so the longterm traditions that you want to extend now are "on you," so-to-speak, but it's also an opportunity to do some things just for fun that you and your husband would like to do. Think about what you would enjoy, not just what the kids would enjoy. Keep expectations low, but free yourself to try some things.
For example, last year, on New Year's, we decided to have an appetizer dinner. We made and/or bought our favorite appetizers and had a big spread and it was easy and so festive (because it was different from our daily sit-down family dinners) and a huge hit. This is definitely a keeper for us and we ended up doing it again on Epiphany! But we might not have ever hit upon it had we had an "always" extended family thing that we did every year for New Year's. So maybe it's an acknowledgment of change that you can work with, in the way that Lane talks about extended family traditions needing to shift a little over time, too.
Later, as you meet people, you can start up friend traditions like a cookie swap or whatever, too. But for now, what about seeking out one or two people from your church or at your/your husband's workplace or the local college who may be totally stranded, with nobody to celebrate with? Your family can give them a sense of "home" on this holiday in which they are probably lonelier even than you are feeling. This doesn't mean you have to put on some magnificent spread or have a perfectly decorated home (with two under three, you have your limits!), but it really means so much to people who are alone to go to a family home and have some time with a family with children.
I will say a prayer that you have a joyful season!
When my kids were very little we celebrated the Catholic 12 days of Christmas. They can't really open a lot of presents at one time without losing interest, anyway, so we put the gifts under the tree with numbers for the day they were to be opened. The little kids loved that the season lasted so long. We also put in activities like movie tickets or ice skating so some days we opened a gift and some days we had an outing. If you aren't near family it can be tough; but I would say the most important two things to emphasize are 1)something out of the ordinary that isn't done at any other time of year and 2)repeating that same tradition year after year.
“and of course the ultimate time-suck where holiday efficiency dreams go to die: writing out and actually sending Christmas cards.” I laughed out loud at this and also groaned. Twenty years of doing cards, and I can’t seem to ever get them out early, except for the years we had no kids, or last year when I was expecting in early January (nesting really can be a motivator!). I’ve gradually embraced the twelve days of Christmas and Epiphany as seasons of thanks, so the cards usually go out then. And the recipients don’t seem to mind one bit.
So many gems here. This is just what I needed to read in this season. Thank you for your wise thoughts!
Thank you, from a new mom who needed this, and may your holiday season be merry and bright. <3
really love the idea of playing a Christmas concert together with one's family as a paraliturgy that points you both toward the Church calendar and pours into the community. What a beautiful thing to share.
Wonderful. A schedule helps so much!
You said so much of what I have been attempting to put into words myself at the request of a friend - but better :)