A little discourse on how this lovely day and minor holidays like it can be used to weave together a genuine family culture strong enough to hold you and your loved ones fast.
My mom also went a little nuts for Valentine’s Day, but man do I love those memories. And I do the same for my kids and they look forward to it every year! Thanks for the encouragement and reminder that the physical world is indeed what matters most to kids.
You are quite helpful when it comes to explaining the practicals and the whys behind these things. It may seem simple, but is an enormous boon to us younger parents who may not have the muscle memory to draw from. Thank you.
I read this post this morning and just finished putting up paper hearts all over the house because of what you wrote. I’m actually looking forward to the kids waking up so they can see the hearts! I plan to ask my toddler some people and things she loves to write on each heart. Thank you for writing this!
Lane, I love how you write about the minutiae of motherhood with such grounded confidence. Things such as the efforts you’re speaking of in this post often get characterized as cringey efforts of cringey women who are “trying to be perfect moms.” While some women might be operating out of that mindset, most of us are just trying to love our kids well and find that work, the work of care and relationship, to be fulfilling and meaningful.
The whole "trying to be perfect moms" accusation is just cope. It can make some women feel better during difficult times, but that mentality ultimately leads to nowhere. Artistry and creativity require talent, but an artistic life is an objectively more beautiful life.
Creating and making things does require that one try. Talent must be cultivated and developed over time.
Thank you so much for this. I appreciate it so deeply.
"But each person only has so much bandwidth to reinvent the wheel. The best you can do is pick 2-3 major areas of life to completely make up from scratch for your own children and family, because the rest of it will need to be automatic."
This section here means so much to me. I think I've been reinventing the wheel to such a great extent that I'm running out of bandwidth. In some areas, I just pray my children won't have to do as much reinventing. But -- little Valentines for breakfast are totally doable. Thanks for the encouragement here!
Yeah you have to limit the things you invent from scratch or you’ll burn out. It’s too hard and one life is not enough time. I’m so glad you found the piece helpful!
I saved this essay when you published it and am only just now getting around to reading it. I so appreciate your perspective! I am admittedly not currently a mom who does Easter baskets or valentines gifts because, frankly, I think my kids don’t need any more *stuff* than already gets shoveled into our possession by modern life. But I LOVE picking out special gifts for my kids, and wrapping and presenting them; so this has always felt like a difficult paradox for me to grapple with. I would love to read an essay you might write on the “stuff management” required by the mother in the family.
I'm hoping you'll kindly indulge my curiosity about that booklet in one of your pictures - 100 Gathered Thoughts for My Beautiful Child: Papers for Brilliant Ideas and Laundry Lists. Do you mind sharing about it?
Sure! It’s made by a company called Sugarboo & Co. that my friend carries in her little gift shop in town. The line seems to have several different quote books and stationery in the same theme. My kids really like them and the individual pages are perforated so the quotes and excerpts can be shared
My mom also went a little nuts for Valentine’s Day, but man do I love those memories. And I do the same for my kids and they look forward to it every year! Thanks for the encouragement and reminder that the physical world is indeed what matters most to kids.
I second this!!!
You are quite helpful when it comes to explaining the practicals and the whys behind these things. It may seem simple, but is an enormous boon to us younger parents who may not have the muscle memory to draw from. Thank you.
Ah, you’re welcome! I’m so happy to be useful
This is so sweet, thoughtful, and inspirational. Thank you!!
I read this post this morning and just finished putting up paper hearts all over the house because of what you wrote. I’m actually looking forward to the kids waking up so they can see the hearts! I plan to ask my toddler some people and things she loves to write on each heart. Thank you for writing this!
Lane, I love how you write about the minutiae of motherhood with such grounded confidence. Things such as the efforts you’re speaking of in this post often get characterized as cringey efforts of cringey women who are “trying to be perfect moms.” While some women might be operating out of that mindset, most of us are just trying to love our kids well and find that work, the work of care and relationship, to be fulfilling and meaningful.
Thanks for your wisdom as always!
Thanks for your kind words.
The whole "trying to be perfect moms" accusation is just cope. It can make some women feel better during difficult times, but that mentality ultimately leads to nowhere. Artistry and creativity require talent, but an artistic life is an objectively more beautiful life.
Creating and making things does require that one try. Talent must be cultivated and developed over time.
Dullards need not apply; life requires effort.
Thank you so much for this. I appreciate it so deeply.
"But each person only has so much bandwidth to reinvent the wheel. The best you can do is pick 2-3 major areas of life to completely make up from scratch for your own children and family, because the rest of it will need to be automatic."
This section here means so much to me. I think I've been reinventing the wheel to such a great extent that I'm running out of bandwidth. In some areas, I just pray my children won't have to do as much reinventing. But -- little Valentines for breakfast are totally doable. Thanks for the encouragement here!
Yeah you have to limit the things you invent from scratch or you’ll burn out. It’s too hard and one life is not enough time. I’m so glad you found the piece helpful!
Thanks, Lane. Also, I forgot to comment on how absolutely lovely your Valentine's decorations and traditions are! Thank you for sharing them with us.
I saved this essay when you published it and am only just now getting around to reading it. I so appreciate your perspective! I am admittedly not currently a mom who does Easter baskets or valentines gifts because, frankly, I think my kids don’t need any more *stuff* than already gets shoveled into our possession by modern life. But I LOVE picking out special gifts for my kids, and wrapping and presenting them; so this has always felt like a difficult paradox for me to grapple with. I would love to read an essay you might write on the “stuff management” required by the mother in the family.
This is such a delight. Thank you!
I'm hoping you'll kindly indulge my curiosity about that booklet in one of your pictures - 100 Gathered Thoughts for My Beautiful Child: Papers for Brilliant Ideas and Laundry Lists. Do you mind sharing about it?
Sure! It’s made by a company called Sugarboo & Co. that my friend carries in her little gift shop in town. The line seems to have several different quote books and stationery in the same theme. My kids really like them and the individual pages are perforated so the quotes and excerpts can be shared
Thanks for sharing; I had thought maybe it was something you had made. I’ll check it out!
Amen!
Beautiful ❤️
Great work!
I am so happy to hear it has been useful to you. Thank you very much for your kind words!